Over a year ago, I gained lifetime status. I had gotten to my goal weight and maintained it up to a point, but then there were the inevitable fluctuations.
But then something happened last November and I simply stopped caring. Oh, I still went to the meetings and watched my weight continue to escalate. I had the tools to fix this. I had the support of my fellow WW members. I had the support of my leader.
I was missing a key support person in the support of my weight loss.
If I didn't care enough to make the change, nothing anyone else said, or cheered, or did would make a damn bit of difference. I had hit the wall of apathy, and I had no clue how to get out of it.
My friends, I will tell you that the meetings are all important, but it isn't the materials presented to us as much as it is the other people sharing their insights that make the biggest impact on us.
The one person who profoundly affected me was Nina (pronounced Nine-A). She made one comment that struck a cord and made me realize where, and WHY, I managed to go wrong. I can't quote it, since I had so many errands and didn't get a chance to write it down, but to paraphrase,
"If we don't care enough to make the effort to lose weight, then we see this attitude showing up in our other behaviors."
And I thought to myself, "Holy crap! That's it!"
I didn't stop to thank Nina after the meeting because I was afraid that I'd burst into tears, but I have to thank her next week. Her comment was exactly what I needed. She provided me with insight that I hadn't realized.
After I got home, I started putting a timeline together, along with looking at my weight loss graph. And though the dates are rough, the curve of my weight gain was directly related to my inability to write. Almost two years ago, I had lost the need to write. There were numerous reasons: a falling out with my cover artist, the gazillion rejections that eventually, and ultimately, say "You're a failure.", and the stagnation of the story I really wanted to write, but wasn't able to find the words.
Now, this didn't mean that I didn't write, I did, but I wasn't really writing the story that I NEEDED to write.
Fast forward a year and twenty pounds heavier, two weeks ago I started writing the story that stalled. Part of the reason was to give my friend, Meg something to read while recovering from chemotherapy. She's been a staunch supporter of mine for a long time and she loves these characters as much as I do.
Writing about this story and these characters has made me happy again. And when one is happy, one doesn't rely on food to satisfy some deep need.
Now, this doesn't mean all my dreams will come true and the weight will simply melt off. Heck no! It will still be a challenge to make those food choices, but with Nina's insight, I suspect I know how I managed to fall down that hill into self-absorbed depression.
And now that I'm back in the game, I think the support of my WW friends will truly help me get back on the right path and continue this weight loss journey.